HERE

I am here.  But where is here?  This was supposed to be the place I came to meet God in a new way and see Him use me in the lives of people here.  Here doesn't feel like such a place though.  It is lonely here.  Oh God is every bit here, but never have I so questioned my purpose for being here.  As I am here I have thought often about how it might be for me over there.  But I am not there, I am here.  In here I find myself wrestling, struggling over all I am and am not certain.  I am frustrated here.  I am trying to be useful here but over there they are useful (or so it appears).  Here I pray often, out of passion, desperation, utter dependence.  Here I know Christ...better than I did there.  Here I desire Christ...more than I remember there.  Here I speak of Christ...more than I ever did there.  And so even if here doesn't provide the "proofs" like there, I will remain...here.