Walking Wounded

i walk alone
with my gait a bit less fluid
make no mistake
this walk has left me wounded

few know the pains i feel
so very real, as they tear my flesh apart
where in my heart
the burdens go deep and wide
and crash down upon me like a rolling tide

see, few understand the levels of hurt i bear
because i go from here to there
and give of myself
divesting of health and wealth

and as people walk away 
not committing in the least bit to what they think and say
they want to be a part of
but who don't dare to love
to the degree
i see (in the Word)
their walking away rips me apart with claws
and feels like the sentence of death handed down from the law

yet here i have found
that riches abound
in a manner
so far grander
because i behold a great glimpse
where here hints
and shades
of what purpose He's made
cause me to know HIM
which moves me to show HIM
even as here I really, deeply, more expediently, and truthfully grow in HIM

and the season
in which i am told to wait
that if i really pondered
i'd only continue to hate
is actually for my good
as I am conformed
taking what is otherwise so humanly, temporally, selfishly malformed
and causing it to be transformed
(my heart)

and here as i wait
i no longer hesitate
to marvel at the work HE performs
where in seasons of storms
the rains that fall
will one day cause a crop to grow
and that all
who look on may know
the brilliance
of the radiance
in the benevolence
OF CHRIST

and amid the slow passing of time
with the pain in my gait
still for CHRIST and CHRIST alone
will my soul faithfully wait

Our Dislike of Authority

"Authority" is not a favorite word, at least of anyone I know.  We chafe against authority in our lives at all different stages.  As a kid it was never tops on our list to subject ourselves to the dictator-like directives that mom and/or dad gave us.  Their known authority, or self-proclaimed authority was nothing more than a limiting factor on all that we felt entitled to do.  We just never seem to find any respite from the authorities over us at various stages of life.  Your boss, the police officer trailing your car down the freeway, the IRS and an endless list of others are ever imposing their authoritative grip on your time, your mind, your bank account and there is nothing you can do to change this.  We instead cry out for autonomy, and live as though we have it.