But something happened last year. My cadence meter broke. It fell off my bike entirely. No longer then was I able to find how many RPMs I was producing on my rides. Further, this spring I had my the small computer which gathered all the information (speed, overall miles, time...) suddenly stopped working. So I had lost my ability to measure where I was at in my overall efforts and improvements. It was horrendous for my that OCD side of me anyway. No longer could I collect all the data at the end of each ride and scrutinize it. No longer could I compare splits between what I had just done and what I had done the month, or week previous on the same route. No longer could I figure out if I was improving, or regressing.
At one point last year I found myself in a group ride. I was among a group of men who were (are) every bit like me: competitive. I found myself in the mix riding with a large group of about 40 guys. As the pace picked up we lost a few guys who just couldn't maintain. Then a few miles later when a large hill stood in front of us a few more guys dropped off the back. And then we hit a section that was just too much for me and a few others and we dropped off as the lead group left us in their dust. Suddenly my speedometer/odometer (which was then working) didn't help me, my heart rate monitor didn't help me, and my cadence meter didn't help me. I was lost. And it crushed my competitive nature.
Just yesterday I found myself with many of the same guys on the same group ride. The pace picked up, and as it did a few guys dropped off the back because they couldn't keep up. I pressed on. Then a hill in front of us caused another 5 guys to lose pace with the group, but I dug deep. Then a series of hills and the force of the apparent ring-leader of this ride caused still more to drop off a few miles later, but I gave it my all and hung in there with them. My point? I had no speedometer to gauge my progress with them and I didn't need it. I had no ability to see my heart rate, and I didn't need it. And I needed nothing to give me this moment-by-moment update on whether or not I was improving or regressing, I was just riding and giving it my all. And the past months of having lesser ways to monitor my progress or regression in biking didn't matter any longer.
So too in our Christian life and in our efforts to minister the gospel. We can't be caught looking at where we are and assessing ourselves at every moment. It is fatiguing to do so. We can't be comparing ourselves one day to the next and assuming all this growth and fruitfulness should have occurred. It is a process! Christian maturity is a process, a long, hard, painful, joyful, lonely, exciting, laborious... process. And your fruitfulness in ministry, in sharing the Gospel with that non-believer, or with that young Christian, or with your neighbor who you don't know where they are at, or with that person you just met...none of it is meant to be assessed every minute of every day. It will either make you too excited with no real foundation upon which to be excited, or too depressed. Look over the long term.
Like with my bike I can hit speeds of 40+ miles per hour in the right conditions, but could never sustain a 40+ mile per hour ride for a sustainable time, so too the highs of ministry aren't always the best assessment of reality. And on my bike I may be laboring over a hill and hitting 12 miles per hour. But to sit and dwell on the difficulty of that moment and the pedestrian-like pace and to quit is ultimately to forget that it is the WHOLE RIDE that I need to be concerned with.
The point in biking and improving in it was found less in assessing it, and more in doing it. Oh sure I need assessments, but like two rides separated by a year helped prove to me, a longer term perspective showed something that the moment-by-moment perspective didn't. And in your walk with Christ, don't look at each moment and strain to think about where you should be, or where you could be, JUST KEEP WITH CHRIST. Keep journeying together with Christ. Ultimately the years will show the growth and fruit. And even more than that, ETERNITY will unveil the greatest, truest picture of our perseverance and what growth and fruit CHRIST did IN US and THROUGH US.
...Looking to Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the same, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
- Heb. 12:2
Wonderful essay, perfect metaphor.
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