Helpless

My role as father has been far more delightful than anything I ever imagined.  I only ever before considered the cries of kids to be annoying.  Part of me feared that I might get too overwhelmed by my own kids during such episodes that if you really wanted to know, I felt kids may not be in the mix for me.  But something is obvious now that my kids are crying: I delight in it.  I delight to be able to respond, answer, and comfort them in their unrest.  There is something so fulfilling in it. 

It all helps me consider God, the perfect Father.  I, His unruly child, mistake-making, fear-filled, and restless.  And as I endeavor to do even as He asks me to do, I get overwhelmed.  There is no distinctive manual on these matters when it comes to the specifics of our personal situation(s).  

Standing on the verge of planting a church, there are thoughts and ideas that bombard my mind.  There is planning and preparation that takes place.  There is an overwhelming burden that finds its home and consumes space on the heart and mind, and even invades the physical well-being at times.  And it is the result of the realization of the enormity of the task at hand and the inferiority of all that I am.  There is no end to this reality.  Day after day I find myself confessing my inabilities, my struggles, my doubts, my worries.  So much like my own kids, I make known just how inadequate I am for what ails me.  Oh and how I am coming to see God's great delight to meet me.  It is not that He is asking me to make no efforts to plant a church.  Same way as I want to see my kids try new things, stretch themselves to grow in every aspect.  And so God allows my struggle to continue.  But through it all He delights that I realize my need for Him and His grace.  

And so in all my questions, concerns, complaints, pains, worries, woes...I know God is honored, because my heart's cry comes before Him, even as I confess His sufficiency to do all I need, because of who He is.